Sermon Study Guide | Series: PERFCT | Sermon: Perfect Family | Scripture: Colossians 3:20-21, 1 Samuel 16:7, Psalm 127:1-2 | Date: January 18, 2026

‍

If you’d like to dig deeper take a look at our Series Resource Guide:📘 PERFCT— Resource Guide

If the topics of abuse or assault raised in this series have surfaced painful parts of your own story, please do not walk through it alone. Our Care Team (care@menlo.church) is available to listen and provide referrals to trusted Christian counselors.

CONNECT - “A Personal Reflection”

This section is designed to help you relate personally to the theme of the sermon. It encourages you to reflect on your own life experiences and how they connect to the message.

Take a moment to reflect on your own family experience. What kind of environment did you grow up in; one focused more on connection or compliance? Maybe you’ve seen both. Whether you’re a parent now, a hopeful parent one day, or simply navigating the influence of your own upbringing, this message invites you to reflect on what it means to build homes rooted in grace.

This week’s message reminded us that we all carry stories from our past, some painful, some redemptive, and that God’s grace is big enough to break unhealthy cycles and build something new. Where do you sense God inviting you to grow in how you love and lead the next generation? Share with your group.

ENGAGE - “Exploring the Scripture”

This section invites you to dive into the biblical passage, discuss its meaning, and apply it to your life through thoughtful questions.

Read Colossians 3:20-21, 1 Samuel 16:7, and Psalm 127:1-2 together. What stands out to you about God’s heart for families in these verses?

• The message compared parenting in the Bay Area to launching a high-stakes startup. What are some “inputs” that you or others tend to obsess over in parenting today?
  
  
• In what ways have you seen performance-based parenting show up in your own life, either as a parent or as a child?
  
  
• “If you build a child who looks great on paper and has a hollow heart, you will regret it, and so will they.” How do we shift our focus from managing behavior to shepherding the heart?
  
  
• Let’s talk about the “See-Saw Principle.” Have you ever found yourself overfunctioning in someone else’s life: rescuing or fixing instead of releasing? How does that impact both people?
  
  
• Walk through the parenting phases: Caretaker, Captain, Cheerleader, Coach, Counselor, Consultant, Champion. The message described how parenting evolves through different seasons—each stage requiring a different posture from the parent. For example, in the toddler years, your role is more of a Caretaker who provides safety and connection. In elementary years, you become a Coach or Cheerleader, helping them build confidence. By high school and beyond, the role shifts toward being a Consultant or Champion—offering support without control. Which stage are you in right now (or observing in someone else’s life)? Looking back, which stage had the biggest impact on who you became?
• What does “formation over fixing” look like in your household or your relationships? Our children aren’t machines to be debugged; they are people to be formed over time. Instead of jumping in to correct every flaw or mistake, we’re invited to slow down and help them grow through their challenges. How does that idea challenge or affirm how you approach your influence—whether you’re a parent, mentor, teacher, or friend?
  
  
• Paul reminds us not to provoke our children. What are some practical ways we can be parents or leaders who encourage instead of embitter?

APPLY - “Putting the Scriptures into Action”

This section challenges us to take what we’ve learned and implement it in practical ways in our daily lives.

• Whether you’re a parent, mentor, or friend—what is one relationship where God is inviting you to prioritize connection over compliance this week?
  
  
• If you’re a parent or caregiver: What is one way you can shift from “quick-fix parenting” to intentional connection this month?
  
  
• Make time for one-on-one connection with a child, teen, or mentee in your life. No agenda, just presence. What do you notice?
  
  
• Practice the “Three Connections for Every Correction”: eye contact, affirmation, and time. Which of those comes most naturally to you? Which one is hardest?
  
  
• Try the 24-Hour Rule: The next time a child or someone you care for comes to you with a problem, instead of jumping in to fix it—pause, reflect, and ask, “That sounds hard. What do you think you’re going to do about it?”
  
  • What changes when you lead with curiosity instead of control?
    
• Invite a friend or family member to attend Alpha with you starting this month.

PRAY - “Seeking God’s Guidance”

This section offers a short prayer to help us center our hearts and invite God to work in our lives through his scripture.

God, thank you for being a perfect Father, full of grace, truth, and patience. Help us to parent and relate to others the way you relate to us. When we are tempted to over-control or withdraw, remind us that love looks like connection, not just compliance.

Heal our wounds from the past, give us wisdom in the present, and fill us with hope for the future. Teach us to apologize, to listen, and to lead with humility. Whether we’re raising children or simply trying to walk in your ways, help us reflect your heart in every relationship. Amen.